I hate everything…

Years ago I was in a play where one of the characters hardly had any lines, but the lines she did have were lists of all the things she hated (this play was set in a mental health institution, it should be noted). Each of her monologues began with “I hate everything in the world, but most of all, I hate…” and is a format that I have used completely out of context–and out of mental health institutions, thankfully–ever since. Now, there are precious few things on the planet that I despise with the fire of a thousand suns and wish imminent destruction upon, however, there are a whole pile of things that I just cannot stand and/or make me gag or incite mouthful after mouthful of rage-y ranting. With that in mind, an ode to Mrs. Paddy and all the things she/I hate.

I hate everything, but most of all, I hate…

…white, stringy pulp of oranges.

…wedge sneakers.

…sleeping in a hot room (hot = anything over 58 degrees F).

…visible pet hair not attached to previously mentioned pet.

…gummy things: worms, bears, chews, fruit snacks, gushers.

…sunburns.

…the sound/smell of dental cleaning or drilling apparatus.

…Marv, Gail, and RaeLene, the three wiry white hairs constantly re-sprouting from my chin.

…popcorn: caramel, buttered, salted, flavored, Kettle.

…book covers featuring art or graphics from the movie adaptation.

…talk radio.

…haunted houses.

…goopy or sticky lip stick or lip gloss.

…salty ocean water anywhere near my face (I’d rather just stay dry and on the beach).

…incorrect usage of there, their, they’re; alot, a lot; a part, apart; heel, heal; bear, bare.

…control-top panty hose.

…papaya, which always smells like vomit (yes, it does).

…ingrown hairs.

…2am wake-up due to car alarm, dance party, or chain-smoking neighbor.

…mild toothpaste, I prefer it eye-stingingly minty.

…TV commercials. I. Cannot. Deal.

…dusting the house or any item contained therein.

…pennies (completely useless, IMO).

…my own hairy legs; I can’t sleep if it’s been more than 36 hours since shaving.

 

What do you hate? Or, if “hate” is too strong a word, what are your pet peeves? Your triggers? The things that drive you bonkers? Anything you hate with a fiery passion equatable only to a plethora of unstable, combustible, highly dangerous, gaseous spheres?

Harriet sig

 

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17 thoughts on “I hate everything…

    1. Hahaha! Really? I was Lily Belle Savage when I was 15, tiara and everything. Four years later at another school, my little sister was Fairy May with an enviable set of fake buck teeth. šŸ™‚

      xox

      On Mon, Jun 2, 2014 at 4:49 PM, Feisty Harriet wrote:

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  1. People that write in library books! With pen! I was thinking today I’d like to revoke their library cards, but I’d probably have to come up with a stronger deterrent as they obviously don’t think libraries (and library materials) are as sacred as I do.

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    1. Ooooh! Yes! I write in my own books all the time, and I like flipping back through it or re-reading it and seeing my thoughts and comments in the margins. But if anyone else writes in my book I’d knock their head off. And I would never ever EVER write in a book I did not own; books are–as you say–sacrosanct.

      xox

      On Mon, Jun 2, 2014 at 5:23 PM, Feisty Harriet wrote:

      >

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    1. Oh man, I just…I cannot handle it. I wake up over and over because I’m hot, because my sheet is touching me, because my hair is making my neck sticky, I just….no. No, no, no.

      xox

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  2. What on earth is a wedge sneaker? My severe case of “being a stereotypical Y-chromosome bearer” is kicking in with that one (the doctors say it may be terminal). Shoes confuse me.

    I agree with you on the movie adaptations thing, although I have made one exception to that rule I have a paperback copy of Stephen King’s Carrie that is a tie-in to the Broadway musical adaptation, which was a disaster of legendary proportions and closed after five shows. Found it at the DI for half a buck.

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  3. I hate willfully stupid people. Not people who are plain stupid, because maybe they didn’t have the benefit of a proper education or something, but I mean I hate people who deliberately, willfully refuse to educate themselves or believe it’s the world’s responsibility to carry them in life. Those people can die in a fire.

    I hate how gross library books can be. Seriously… what is that stain on page 183 exactly? Are those deceased spider remnants on page 268? Did you not have a tissue handy when you sneezed your diseases all over page 500? I love books and I love the library, but sometimes it’s a battle over the yuck.

    I hate it when people tell me I “need to smile more.” You know what? I’ll smile after you BITE ME. I’m not normally a pouty person, but I’m not bubbly and cheery either. I smile when the occasion warrants, and not a minute before. If you annoyingly tell me I “need to smile”, you’d better trip and fall down, or walk into a pole, or some other equally funny thing. That will bring a smile to my face.

    I hate shoppers/patrons who have no respect for the employees or the work they do. They can also die in said fire with the stupid people.

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    1. I kind of agree with you on library books, but somehow don’t have a problem with buying used books…? I think it must be the difference between buying a hotel mattress (ew, ew, ew), and buying a used car from a little old lady. “Clean, one owner” doesn’t freak me out, but the yuck of a library book….I totally get that.

      xox

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  4. I hate it when people use their phones while driving. Do not endanger my life like that.

    I hate the crust that forms around the mustard bottle nozzle and I hate everything about mayo.

    I really hate it when my roommates just throw the plasticware into the cupboard without stacking it up neatly.

    I get all twitchy when someone only partially erases a chalk or white board and leaves little pieces of writing on the board.

    I hate it when I caution people that I get woozy even hearing about blood and needles and wounds and they take that as an invitation to tell me their goriest story.

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    1. YES on nasty condiment crust! Ew, ew, ew! And yes on haphazard stacking of, well, anything. It fits if you stack it nicely, and then you always know where it is! (I’m not anal, I’m just practical…well, maybe a little anal.)

      xox

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