Back from the dead… kind of…

No, this post is not about zombies. It’s about me and my general outlook on the world of late, which is, in a word, dreadful. I feel like I am moving through my days only half-present, at best, and more often than not I am delirious with general exhaustion, fatigue, and an indescribable need to devour brains.

Ok, so maybe this is about zombies.

(No. Not really.)

In the last 4 months I have accomplished an insane amount of stuff from the Stressful Life Things list. And, zombie-like days aside, I have managed to live the tale and even come up for air for a minute, although do not expect this Writing About Life And Feelings And Stuff to be a thrice-weekly occurrence; you will be sorely disappointed.

October2014_feistyharrietIn no particular order, the main bullets of my life, since July:

1. Painted half of the rooms–and ceilings–in my apartment, transforming an increasingly bilious yellow-brown-gray box into a soothing gray with white ceilings (bedroom, hallway, bathroom) and pale grayish-greenish-blue with white ceilings (dining room). I added new art and gallery walls, made a headboard–my first in over a decade–and DIY’d the crap out of some light fixtures. I took before and during and after shots, with the best of intentions, all of which are still sitting there happily on my SD card.

2. Been offered and accepted a promotion at work which comes with a nice little raise and an enormous change in duties and responsibilities. Without getting too personal, I am now a Program Manager and am loving the freedom, thinking, and creativity that comes from creating a program from scratch and implementing it on a state-wide level. This is something I have been actively working towards for over 18 months, and I am beyond thrilled and also generally overwhelmed with my new position. It took about 8 weeks to hire my replacement, and another month to get her trained up to a point where I can attack my own To Do lists. I have worked a LOT of 12 and 13 and 14 hours days in the last few months trying to stay on top of everything.

3. As part of my job(s) I both planned and executed a professional development conference for 600 people, and 10 days later ran a 2-day training for another 175 people on a completely difference program.

4. For the 9th year in a row I have coached a competitive high school Shakespeare team (yes, it’s a thing) and costumed about 50 teenagers so they looked like the childhood pub pals of King Henry V, among other characters.

5. I have visited Phoenix (family) and Denver (fun) and Chicago (family/fun) and have hundreds of pictures to sort through.

6. I have decided on and started my application for a Master’s program, that I will begin next fall at the University.

7. Lastly, and this is definitely the biggest change of late, Blue Eyes has accepted a new position over 700 miles away and for the last month we have been–again–doing the long distance relationship thing. At this point we will be in a commuter marriage for about 3 years, until I finish my Master’s program. I am, generally, a weepy mess about this development, but I try and put on a good face and go to work and talk on the phone and answer (work) emails, because I do not have the luxury of running away from the rest of my life while I process what this enormous change will mean for me, for him, and for us.

In the meantime, I have responded to practically zero emails, voice-mails, and a half-dozen (or more) requests for help, or company, or whatever. And, to be honest, I don’t really feel all that terrible about it. I’ve been hunkered down trying to remember how to breathe, with various success rates, depending on the day. Yes, I’m talking to a therapist. Yes, I’m taking medication.Β  Yes, I am “making time” for myself. Yes, I’m in a state of general denial. Yes, I know I won’t be in this place forever, but most of the time it feels that way right now, and my therapist says that’s pretty normal.

Harriet sig

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8 thoughts on “Back from the dead… kind of…

  1. Holy canoly. Reading this sounds exhausting. Although, for the most part, it’s all good, positive things that have been happening in your life! Glad to hear you’re alive! ❀

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  2. I’ve been wondering about you lately! Congrats on the promotion and the other good stuff, and I’m sorry to hear that your hubs is working that far away. That’s legit hard, and you have every right to be weepy about it when you need to be.

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  3. Holy! Big things! Can’t wait to chat about your master’s as it’s near and dear to my heart πŸ™‚ Woohoo on the promotion as well. Sounds thrilling to be able to have the control to develop a program like that. Huge hugs for the long distance marriage bs. Been there too and know how hard it is. Breathe. Keep moving, one foot in front of the other! πŸ™‚

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  4. If it makes you feel any better…I am thoroughly envious over that Master’s degree. It is something I SO want to do but cannot fit into my life right now.

    Actually that probably doesn’t make you feel any better. πŸ˜‰

    I think you are awesome! Smart & level-headed & ambitious in a good way. Hang in there…you can totally do this!

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