Everything changed, and it will change again

I work in higher education and it always seems that Back to School season is an appropriate time to re-evaluate and reassess my first-of-the-year goals. In January I decided to live deliberately, with passion and grace this year. I feel like this is a two-steps-forward, one-step-back process, and it probably should be that way, right? I certainly am not one of those (fictional) individuals who is born with and maintains perfect grace in the face of Life. But, I feel like I am slowly coming to a place of acceptance of the things I cannot change or dictate, while living the hell out of the pieces of my life I do have control over. Sometimes with grace, sometimes with lots of swear words and chocolate. Overall, I think that my ratios are in a pretty good place.

2015.

In the first six months, everything changed.

So far this year I have made the unanticipated and enormous decision to leave my job (my wonderful, wonderful job), leave my apartment, postpone a Master’s degree, and move 700 miles away to join my sweetheart. This decision has colored every aspect of my life, sometimes with giddiness, sometimes with fear, and often times with a melancholy sadness. I am simultaneously trying to get the most out of my remaining time here in Salt Lake, to maximize time with my dear friends, to memorize the smells and sounds of my beloved mountains, to go on adventures and cross things off my Utah to-do/to-visit/to-explore list. And then there are days when I refuse to answer the message notifications on my phone, when I refuse to even leave my house, and yes–a few times–when I just do not get out of bed because the idea of so much change is overwhelmingly nauseating and it seems the best plan of action is to ignore everything and everyone until I can breathe again.

Change is a bitch, yo. And so far 2015 has been full of it.

In the next six months, everything will change again.

I will finish up my work responsibilities mid-December and be completely moved to Arizona before we (Blue Eyes and his kiddos) make the long trek to Montana for Christmas. Because the least stressful time to move is right before a giant holiday spent 1,000 from the home now being threatened by towers of unpacked boxes. Obviously. I’ll need to figure out a new job situation and readjust to living with my sweetheart after years of being apart. I’ll need to figure out how, exactly, my role as step-mom will fit into the lives of two busy kiddos (ages 10 and almost 13) (!!!!). I’ll need to figure out the layout of my new grocery store, and understand the complexities of a much larger freeway system. I’ll need to navigate new relationships and finding friends and a new tribe of My People. I’ll need to….

This is the part where my brain gets pretty overloaded with anxiety and I start to shut down. I am overwhelmed and scared and the “What if’s” start to pile up around me. I can already predict that my biggest priority for next year will be to remember to breathe. To take each day on its own terms, and to find something positive in each day.

How are you doing on your 2015 resolutions? Have you made any major unplanned overhauls in your life? Do you have any tips for getting through some major life upheaval while maintaining your sanity?

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7 thoughts on “Everything changed, and it will change again

  1. Sorry that you have to leave behind so many positive things in your life. Congrats on finally getting to live with your husband though. I love being a stepmom (we have half custody) and hope your experience living with the kids will be just as positive.

    I’m a little amused that figuring out the layout of your grocery store made the list of stresses. I thought I was the only one with an irrational attachment to my grocery store and the security of knowing where things can be found. I also have strong hatred for certain grocery stores. I feel an emotion similar to road rage when I go into the Meijer in my town.

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  2. The grocery store alone is reason enough to keep me planted right where I am. I am excited for you (yay for new adventures!) but simultaneously full of anxiety on your behalf.

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  3. I just packed up my whole life and moved on very short notice to a place where I have no friends and know no one. In fact, I’ve done this twice in the last three years. I’ve done it three times in the last decade. I can’t speak for your personal stresses, but I’m something of an expert on this matter as a whole.

    I think it’s awesome. I’m excited for you. Staying in one place and suffering the monotony of the same thing over and over is boring. Life is about experience, and living is about learning and experiencing new things. You should revel in the opportunity! You’re gonna have such an amazing time.

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  4. I feel like everything in adult life is two steps forward, one step back. Or at least, everything involving change.

    You’re going to be awesome in Arizona, but it’s totally normal to be dreading / anticipating the move.

    Also, I love that you’re writing more 😉

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  5. Ooh, yes, this is the time to put one foot in front of the other and try to keep your head down so that the panic of all the logistics doesn’t overwhelm you. No major upheaval planned for 2015 for us (well, a new school for Callum), but so far the year is going well!

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  6. 2015 has been a year of upheaval for me (as you all to well know). For sure. And I’m really hoping the majority of upheavalness is over for the time being.

    Also-totally get the grocery store thing. When I moved to NYC, the grocery store was so stressful and scary (seriously, try going to a tiny grocery store at 6pm in NYC-it feels like everyone in the entire state is there). I ended up getting my groceries shipped to my house until my life calmed down enough for me to brave the grocery store.

    So I suppose one way of dealing with things is to outsource/delegate/ignore (perhaps not the best option) some stressors until you have enough energy and sanity to deal with them.

    Sure do love you! xoxo

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  7. Don’t sweat it, you need to just dive in with no reservations! Moving from South Carolina to Florida was exciting! Don’t think of what you’re losing, think of what you’re gaining! As long as you have your family- even if it’s just Blue Eyes and the kids – you have a rock to stand on and an incomparable substance to your new life! Take it from a moving veteran…

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